I am the creator of the universe. But now that I’ve finished, I’m all out of ideas.

Which is why I’m writing this suicide note.

How does God commit suicide? Well, omnipotence has a part to play. So does a very special package that I’ve just launched into deep space. Which is getting deeper by the moment.

It’s a rock. An asteroid, if you like. Think of it as the stone I will not lift.

Stroke it gently, and it will whisper tantalising promises into your mind. Lift it, and you’ll become immortal. Which, because of certain conservation laws, means I’ll no longer have to be.

I will play one final prank on my creation. I will guide this rock towards what will become a planet inhabited by intelligent bipeds, and I will bring it crashing down somewhere not too conspicuous, not too remote. Somewhere nicely mystical, perhaps, for that poetic touch. Somewhere fit for a temple.

And then someone will find it. And then I will rest.