Response to Form Letter Breakup

Dear Significant Other 12,
This last 15 Days has meant a lot to me.
I knew it would be a rough relation from our first date when you

  • flirted
    (X) lap danced
    (X) had oral sex*
    with our waiter at
  • Chucky Cheese
    ( ) The Gay Bar
    ( ) The Ritz-Carlton*
    I was willing to look past that, like when you slept with
  • My best friend
    (X) My Mom
    (X) My Goldfish*
    And I was willing to overlook you
  • Stealing my car for drug money
    (X) Cooking my cat for Chinese Food
    (X) Not mentioning that your Dad likes to give your BFs roofies that really make their Anus hurt in the morning.*
    But when you
  • Got that silly haircut
    ( ) Gained weight
    ( ) Let your face break out*
    It was the last straw.
    I want you to know that you will always be a
    ( )Man

    That I
  • will hook-up with when I’m drunk
    ( ) will remember fondly
    ( ) Met*
    I will try and respect your wishes that you outlined in
  • Your Letter
    ( ) Your restraining order
    ( ) What your brother said when he was beating me up.*
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