The ending seems a little too tidy. It was a little bit of a let-down after all that build up. Like, I wanted the narrator to say something more evocative, or thoughtful on the situation. So many directions you can go.
Also, minor thing – “But what if she decides to go swimming. If she goes swimming…” unless you meant to, it’s repetitive. However, the next usage of it – “But what if she goes swimming, and the flower gets tangled in her hair…” is dead on, and should definitely be kept. Has good rhythm to it, considering the previous lines.
The build-up throughout is great, it just lacks punch at the end.
Keith