The Last Time

“You could die you know.”
It’s the first thing they always say, when they find out.
“Every time you do it, you could die, just like that. You wouldn’t even see it coming.

I want to punch them, to smack them so hard I send their concerned faces spinning round and round like the head of an owl.

I want to smack them because I know it’s true.

I want to smack them because I don’t have the courage to smack myself.

I could die, it could kill me…

But I won’t die, because this is the last time I’ll do it, I swear. Just one last time, to say goodbye to it, ya’ know? To just experience it once more and get it out of my system for good.

Please God, just let me live to see the end of it, because I just have to survive this one last time and then it will be a non-issue, because I’ll stop. I swear I’ll stop.

Cold turkey.

Starting tomorrow.

I swear I’ll stop, I sw—

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