In the beginning there was darkness. And God said, “Turn on the friggin’ light”. And lo, the friggin’ light was turned on. God separated the darkness from the light. The darkness he called ink, and the light he called paper. And he gave the paper qualities of smoothness and set its sides to the ratio of 8 1/2 by 11. And he placed upon the paper lines of light blue and spaced them equally from each other going horizontally across the short axis. And the darkness he confined to a pen. And God saw it was ok.

And God said, “I need some coffee”. And behold, a cup appeared, infused with the stuff of the holy bean. French roasted. And a little half and half, and some raw sugar. For the lord did curse the white sugar as too processed and causing tooth decay.

And God took the cup in his hands and blew upon the surface of the waters. And he did sip. And it was good. God set the cup down and took up the pen, and he began to write. And thus he spent the morning and the evening of the first day.