Mess of Emotions

I held my breath to steady my breathing. After a few minutes the tears stopped pouring.

“No one. It was just a dream, Nathaniel.” I said, much more calmly then she felt on the inside.

“But… It seemed so real… And you started crying when I mentioned it… and it all fits with the distance and the tender skin…” Nathaniel babbled into the phone.

I shook my head even though I knew he couldn’t see, but I had to get myself to believe my lies. I took a deep breath and in my calm voice I said, “I’m crying because I’m sick and I feel awful and when I’m this sick, I cry because I can’t help it… I called to apologize for not calling yesterday and I couldn’t tell you today because I wasn’t in school. If you’re just going to fling crazy accusations, I’ll leave.”

By now I was shaking. I was angry that he was assuming these things about me. My breathing shook again as I thought about him knowing the awful truth about me… I couldn’t see how he would still talk to me if he knew…

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