Readers Digest used to have a series of articles describing various portions of the human anatomy. Remember when I am Joes eye came out. Eye went on and on about how important it was. And when I am Jane’s breast came out it was eagerly read by every peri-pubesent male in North America.

Think they will ever get around to me? Ha! You wont be reading “I am Joes Ass” anytime soon. You think of me as the butt of all the jokes. The end of all tales. A whoopee cushion mimic. Well let me tell you something, I am more than just a couple of rosy cheeks. I am complex. Useful. Important. I bust my hump every day. I don’t just sit on my laurels, covering your coccyx.

How would you feel if you didn’t have an asshole? You know elimination is as necessary to the health of the body as assimilation. You want waste products coming out the same way they went in? I didn’t think so.

You may think I’m dumb, but I have a lot to say. I can be smart, wise, even nice. And I don’t put on airs by calling myself an “arse”.