Interesting… I like how you described each character. Good imagery :)

Great job on the narrative voice there being in the style of the hard-boiled detective without going over the top with it. A few run-ons, though it’s hard to say if they distract or fit the narrative style.

i agree with sesquipedalian. Thanks for doing my challenge :)

Trying to find the right voice. Short clipped sentences are hard for me, I tend to write too much in one sentence. Like I just did. Fun though!

I’m totally with THX. Nice use of dialect. That’s always really hard for me.