now you are trying to write all manly because i was frilling with you, but know it only sounds like a girl trying to write like a guy because someone said she was writing like a girl.

now instead of know

mate at the end of the day your not funny, your comments were boring and old the first time,

sorry i was just needlin ya
i never teased anyone i didnt like
if i didnt like em i just said nothing
your writing is good i like it
just messin wit ya dont be so sensitive

Grimmy,

Interesting story. I liked it.

You might want to consider cleaning up the sequence of the burning carriages. it isn’t entirely clear. The wreck had the first carriage smoldering and two more on their side next to the track. Plural use of “initial carriages” for the fire is confusing and then “the next four carriages” is just a touch redundent. Might I suggest,

Fire from the initial carriage had swept through the next four, and was now eating its way into the fifth.

106 vs. 119 characters and makes the sequence a little clearer.

I hope you don’t mind the suggested edit. I know I am frequently looking for ways to tighten up my storys and get enough room for one more word in edgewise

I appreciate the feedback cheers, its always tough trying to get everything you want into such a small passage, it was the bit I was least pleased with, thanks for the input