When you get home I think you’ll find
a very pleasant surprise.
I left it just for you
as a reminder that I’m still alive:
I smashed all your windows
and totaled your precious car;
I caused almost as much damage
as you did to my heart.
On the night that we broke up,
oblivious to you,
I did something that I never before
had the guts to do.
I drove out to your brothers house
dressed in your favorite lingerie;
you don’t need all the details,
but we burned some calories.
So when the next girl that you date
is too difficult to sustain,
I hope she’ll be smart enough to leave you
before you cheat again.