Interesting setup. Good descriptions and wordplay, but I think you should get rid of the exclamation point. It sort of jumps out of the style and makes it sound a little…juvenile? I don’t know, I just very rarely use exclamation points outside of dialogue.

Point taken. Edited and sexified.

oo, it is different, and i never commented before, oops, i guess i was so struck by the need to sequel, i forgot! it was the stars and charts that did it.

Ominous name there at the end. Makes me curious why he associates this woman with stars and charts and such. I did like the details of the streetlight and TV theme song.

I threw a different sequel onto this one, just cause my mind took it in a different direction. It struck me as funny to have three sequels for some reason, so there it is.

The stars and charts were basically meant to be ‘crazy repressed spaceknowledge’- at a the time, I couldn’t think of a better way to describe it.