I sat down to try and write it out. I sat down to actually try and say something, anything, put it down into coherent words and sentences. Something I haven’t been able to do for a while now.

I sat down and tried to figure out exactly what I was thinking. What the song was doing to me, what this feeling was.

is.

I can’t… I don’t know.

It’s like… everything is spinning. It’s been like that my whole life. I can never actually see anything, I can only watch it go by and hope I remember what happened later.

And it’s like… I’m really really happy. Not right now, but I am. And some recent events have been amazing and great and just… things I’m so glad are in my life.

But right now. Right at this second. I’m not happy. In fact… I’m kind of really not happy, right now. I’m like… sinking. And everything is spinning. It just… hit me. And now I can’t see straight at all. And it’s so weird because…

I didn’t even know. I didn’t know I wasn’t happy.

I didn’t know… until after. After it showed.