The first thing you need to understand is that Death changes. I mean, the occupation of Death—the Grim Reaper, if you want—shifts every Earth century. Otherwise, Death might cling to the past and not account for population growth, new technology, and stupidity that, in fact, does increase over time with the human race.

Therefore, my first job was 12:00:23 AM, January 1, 2000 AD. The Reaper before me, Ellouise, told me this part would be exciting—since the 30s or so, the Gregorian New Year’s had become her favorite time of year, and booze her best friend. She had some imported a few times in the 40s and got a little tipsy—you can see how that ironed out. Ellousie is still in court for that one.

Anyway, I said this book was to clear up some misconceptions about my job. Humans have developed a sort of fear, mysticism, and more than their fair share of hatred for Death. In advance, if I took someone close to you, I’m not apologizing for it. Next time you step on a bug, try to cry.

…I know, right?