hoho. im not sure about my sequel. but i hope you’ll like it. if you don’t please tell me, so that i could improve.. and please give me some piece of advice.. im an amateur..

Is there any particular reason why you omitted the space after the periods?

is it prose or poetry? if its prose needs more editing if its poetry awesoeme. lol

Yay, my first sequel!!

Ha, in my head, Janet had a totally different personality; I love that you had a different take on her. This is shaping up to be a neat little love triangle. :) Alexa, are you going to write Steve (? guy in Germany)?

A few comments:

Continuity – To me, the two prequels implied that Dustin and Tammy weren’t in the same class together anymore (they were in auto shop together 2 years ago, and now she only sees him at lunch), so instead of “there’s this girl, from his class”, I would have said “there’s this girl, from his school” and maybe make Janet from another school (this also explains why Tammy doesn’t know about Janet). That’s just me, though, and it is also fine the way you’ve written it (the prequels don’t rule it out). We should have a reason why Dustin doesn’t see Janet very often, and why Tammy doesn’t know about Janet, though.

[cont’d]

Background – I would have liked to see some backstory about how/when Janet met Dustin and why she decided she needed to impress him to get his attention. Are they classmates? Church group? Maybe she’s one of his sister’s friends? Maybe she was in auto shop with Tammy and Dustin, and she was secretly jealous when Dustin asked Tammy for her phone number? There’s a lot you could explore in this area, and I think it would help the reader identify with Janet a little better (by knowing more about her motivations). As currently written, we only know that Janet thinks she’s in love with Dustin – we don’t know why, or whether she has a good reason to be in love (or if she doesn’t have a good reason and is just full of teen infatuation). It would also be fun just to figure it out. :)

Hm, one more quick consistency comment – I would fix the tense in some of the places. I feel like Janet needed (not needs) to impress Dustin (she already impressed him by racing, so she doesn’t need to impress him anymore). Also, I feel like Janet thinks Dustin is her soul mate (she is still in love with him, she is still trying to keep him), rather than he was her soul mate (which would imply that he’s not anymore).

(Ugh, I am a wall-of-text machine. Please don’t be intimidated by the long comments! I hope you find them useful.)

j. smthng,
haha, well on your first comment, i was thinking maybe janet knew dustin long before the race. she need to impress him stuff. well, maybe tammy did not notice janet cuz she’s caught up with dustin? that could work right?LOL.

j. smthng,
on you’re second, well, i was thinking of writing a prequel about janet’s background..sorta though she’s a fan, or his sister’s bestfriend just like your theory. or whatever. haha, on your third, well, im really happy that you’re trying to help me. that’s my main goal here.the reason why i joined ficly. to improve myself. im not intimidated.LOL. this is my first sequel.glad that i participated in a way..lol,

thank you..
hope there would be a lot to hear from you, specially from this one.haha,

;D
-tas_13

No problem.If you want, I won’t tell anyone if you make edits. ;) I kind of wish ficly kept track of versions of published stories though.

I kind of also echo the comment that the punctuation is a little weird (having no spaces between sentences), and the lack of capitalized letters is a little off-putting. I understand it might be a stylistic thing though; personally, I think it’s easier to read and understand when it conforms to typical formatting rules, but you’re the author. :)

haha.yeah, and one more thing, to save space!! LOL,

hey tas they always burn me aboutr capitol letters too. i personally think that lower case i is just cute, see gow the big I looks it aint as cute. But we have to adhear to the laws(sometimes) but i love your attitude of wanting to learn because once you know all the rules you can break them properly. Oh yes and as the official recruitment officer of the LoA, I would like to exxtend an invitiation for you to join.

Everyone wants to be in the LoA and the funny thing is, they CAN.

whoa! totally had no idea you guys were making my regret tale into a series! awesome!

MJ, i think you’re right about the small ‘i’ stuff, LOL, :D