Hi Harry,

Interesting.

One suggestion I would make is you may want to consider paragraphs. There is enough slack in the story to give you places to trim characters if you needed the space to hit the return key a couple of times.

Dude, three writing classes and they didn’t teach you how to use quotation marks and paragraphs when each person speaks? I’m ashamed for your teacher who had to edit your work. Okay that was harsh, I apologize, but I’m getting a headache..

I loved the description of the guy, and the ending was was most awesome, great twist!
But man, get an editor!

the only reason i didn’t use grammar was because there wasn’t enough room. i could only keep the essentials. the text box only gives me so much room.