I curl up in a ball on my bed, grabbing my stuffed teddy bear and clutching her against my chest. It feels good to have pressure against the constant, dull aching inside me. I can’t focus too much on the pain, or it reminds me of things long since put to rest. Feelings I endured once and am not sure I could survive again.

I clutch my bear tighter to me as my thoughts sift. I think of the people closest to me. I think of irrational things and make them reality in my mind. I think of ending up alone and of losing three people who can make my life brighter just by smiling.

My poor bear is getting her stuffing squeezed out of her as my thoughts take another dangerous turn. I think about him. I think about his arms around me. I think about his heat against me. I think about the enormous amount of comfort he represents for me.

A soundless sob rakes through my body. A silent tear runs down my cheek as my eyes glass over.

I wonder when this repeated scene will end, because it’s reoccurring every day of my life.