I can picture it my head, the frantic pace your protagonist has set, the blurry scene whipping past. The inevitable here is that the person can’t keep up that pace.

Also, grammar check, you use realize one too many times in the opening. :)

There, doesn’t that feel more like the comments we know and love?

Doesn’t sound like a very nice life. That first sentence had a few too many ’that’s, but otherwise definitely did a good job of driving home the whole pace and hurry feeling.

Thanks! This is my first Ficly story of all time, other than writing filler copy when I was designing Ficly. This is fun!

FOr a first kick at the can, it’s pretty darn good. Great pace.

This could turn into a series with so many possibilites…

Very poetic, i like how the short sentences highlight a narrowed perspective.

This is sad. And hit a deeper meaning to me. Good job.