“Find it!” she screeched, throwing anything and everything up in the air. “Help me find it!” She threw clothes, blankets, pillows, books, cds, and even a table across the room.

I stared at her. Living in a coed dorm on campus was always entertaining. I knew when my roommate introduced herself as “the most flamboyant, messiest, pole dancer you’ll love to hate” that I was in for the best year of my life.

“Look you moron!” she screeched. I was looking, but not for whatever it was she lost. I was staring at her. She had run inside, screaming my name, dashed to her room, and began this tirade and frantic search. Completely naked.

“For what, exactly?”
“My peach thong bikini!”
“Why?”
“I was over with the guys down in Hammond, and they tricked me into giving them a show, but then they shoved me outside and kept my clothes! I had to run back here, and the campus cops saw me from across the parking lot, found it! And I need to make it seem like I was wearing this bikini before I get fined!”