“S—”

The sibilant barely escaped his lips before the robot stopped him. The robot knew him too well.

“Can’t say that. Try ‘eat a dick’ instead.”

“F*@& off.”

The robot slapped him across the face, hard. “The alien overlords are going to apply a death penalty for this, remember! This coming T— Er, day that lies between Monday and Wednesday.” Even the robot had a hard time with this, being forced to think and speak brokenly. “I need ya alive so I can keep receiving maintenance, friend.”

The robot was silent for a moment. He was composing his sentences in his head before speaking now. “I really, really hate this. We have to invent new prono… Shit! We need a new word for ‘a person, place or thing’ and the… er… pro- versions, ya know, like we can still …say… I, he, she, it, we, and them, while we can’t say the others, or …say… some of the possessive forms. Shit! Even swearing is — er… nigh impossible now,” the robot ended awkwardly.

“Wait a second… can the aliens even spell in English?”