What you have to understand about crime is that thinking outside the box helps you from getting nicked.

I wasn’t born a criminal. I didn’t fall out of my mother’s vagina waving a sawn-off and asking for the doctor’s wallet. You have to grow into it. The problem is, everyone assumes crime is simple, so they become simple criminals.

I, however, took a long hard look at it and decided that being a stupid thug was likely to get you shit-all to show for it except time in the clink.

Paul, Benny and I took a different approach to our first job. We found a couple of guys who didn’t know their arse from their elbow, seasoned criminals these blokes, and told them all they needed to know to be able to off a post-office. A simple job, but beyond our means, we said. Not seasoned criminals, we said.

Whilst they were in the post-office, we were in the alley, slashing their tires. When they came out, we knocked them out and duct-taped them to their car seats. They got the sentence, we got the cash.

Everyone’s a winner.