Read In A Cockney Accent, Part 5

If you want to be a criminal, you should dress nicely. Everyone’s suspicious of a kid wearing a hood and holding a baseball bat, because that’s what you expect from a criminal. Dress, talk and act like an ordinary citizen, and before the victim knows what’s happening, they’ve already been robbed.

Of course, it helps that we’re not the kind of people who take lives. And we don’t hurt anyone unless we have to. Intimidation isn’t exactly something we’re unfamiliar with, but if you’re courteous to your victim, then you’re not going to be ruining some poor sod’s day. If being a “well ’ard thug” isn’t necessary, then why do it? You just look stupid.

Our second job was a bank. We didn’t walk in screaming our heads off. We walked in wearing suits and talking politely. I told the nice lady that I had a gun, and that I’d appreciate £50,000 in cash, promptly. If not, then there would be very few avenues of action available to me which didn’t involve a trigger being pulled.

As we left, she thanked me for being polite.

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