OK, I can see why you’d want to write about this (I’m assuming you’re being autobiographical). But I don’t think you’ve made a story of it. It reads more like a diary entry or an extract from a conversation with a friend. The best stories (for me, anyway) pivot around a crucial moment, no matter how small, at which something changes irrevocably for the character/s. A vasectomy is gonna change something irrevocably… but where sense of who the character is, the drama that has precipitated the event; where is the evidence of the inner change?
This is just the first instalment. I was trying to write it clinically because at that point is was pretty clinical. But thanks for the pointers, I’ll see if I can make is sound more personal.
okay more emotion, and personal details in this version. I guess the feeling of losing a best friend is in the argument with your wife over the procedure? she wants it, you don’t, but you want your wife’s love?
Coccinella
Pyropunk 51 (PPP LoA)
ElshaHawk (LoA)
ElshaHawk (LoA)