I must admit, I have some difficulty with the idea of drawing on songs/artworks etc as the starting point for a story. Lilies can end up with a lot of gilding… But it does feel like you’ve worked into the existing story of that song, named and observed its characters from a hidden corner. Nicely done.
It’s definitely s a lot harder than I suspected – songs can be so complex despite having few words. This song was actually the second one I tried – the first was Going the Distance (also by Cake), which I gave up on after a while because I didn’t feel like I was able to capture everything that I wanted to express.
This story’s interpretation of the song, I think, is actually somewhat superficial – it takes the most obvious (in my opinion) theme/plot of the song to work with, but there are so many more ways to interpret this song in 1024 characters that are just as valid and interesting, if not more so.
Scott 
Coccinella