In the cold box, the cans fought like…grownups?

Pepsi: Alright. Let’s do this like gentlemen. We just see who is picked first.
Coke Zero: FUCK NAWH. I’M STRAIGHT UP Z. I’LL CUT YOUR OPENER. I’LL CUT IT!
Diet Coke: God, I hope I get picked. He buys me wanting to cut down on sugar. But I just sit here. WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?
Coke Zero: HIS PROBLEM IS HE AINT DRINKING ME. I’M STRAIGHT UP Z.
Coke: What is going on in here, another night where our owner is off partying?
Pepsi: Possibly.
Coke: He won’t need us tonight. He has other friends.
Coke Zero: THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? I’M STRAIGHT UP Z. HEY COKE. COME NEAR ME. I’LL SLIT YOUR ALUMINUM.
Dr. Pepper: I do not have the proper tools to fix that…
Coke: It means he doesn’t love us anymore.
Pepsi: Don’t be silly. He just doesn’t love us tonight.
Diet Pepsi: I hope that weird foreign soda doesn’t find it’s way out of the back.
Coke Zero: I’M STRAIGHT UP Z. IF THAT THING COMES NEAR ME I’M SPLITTING.
Japanese Celery Soda: Konichiwa?