I sat there with my friends talking about a bunch of nonsense. We were all laughing, but my laugh started about 3 seconds after everyone else’s. No matter if I thought the joke or comment made was funny, I waited to see how everyone else around me reacted. It my friends laughed, I laughed. If they said it was dumb, I agreed.

I wanted so desperately to fit in, but it felt as though whatever I did went unnoticed by others. When I finally got fed up with pretending, I shrank even more into the shadows. It seemed like the only time I was noticed was if I did something ridiculous.

The problem with this was the fact I hated embarrassing myself. I absolutely couldn’t stand the thought of people laughing at me. It just wasn’t like that.

So the vicious cycle of faking and giving up would continue indefinitely.

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