THE beat of his foot baby

Oh my gawd this was good but i was listening to tiny dancer when I read it and now i need to see the shrink.

This is brilliant i love it, i think it is just the balls. i love it.

nice progression.

To the beat of his foot
wouldn’t she be out of his league? or is he so Uber, that she would be so flattered?? like some super rocker..
he could lever her more than anyone
as if he were being judged
slowly being hypnotized
as his voice echoed
was she asleep from the melodies, exhausted from crying for his love?

if you have room, plz make these past tense, it makes your wonderful poem that much more epic. :)

My fav line : “He could make love to her on the surface of his eighth notes and sharp major chords.” That is raw awesomeness!

I read it, but didn’t get it. A lot of little grammar things wound up distracting to me at least, or maybe it’s just that I have no musical talent so I can’t relate or something. I think the thought and idea here are good, but the execution got in the way.

Was she in the room with him when he was playing or was she behind the door?

I think that it was pretty good and I like how the guy of the story wanted to capture her love with music.

Thank you, I made all the necessary corrections, to make it better. Thanks Mighty Joe, Pyropunk, THX, Lady Ray & Elsha!

I was thinking she was unconscious because his song hypnotized her into a sleep that she’s been yearning for… and when she wakes up, she would wake up in his arms…or you could finish they story… Thanks for your comments!!!