This didn’t grab me until the “Nick Cage” line, at which point I actually lol’d. Clever; very nicely done. :)

You had me at “New Jersey.”

I’m not entirely convinced, I’m afraid. The idea’s there, but the execution needs a little work. There are too many "French"es in too few lines. *69 is not used in France (only a minor point); you do explain what it means, though, which this dumb Englishman does appreciate.

Aide, not aid.

The Nicholas Cage ref ties nicely with the preceding story and did raise a giggle.

Good effort. Keep at it and it will get better.