Hey this is a good start. i like it.
It doesnt quite meet the stand alone test but it does lock you ib for a SEQUEL.

we need you kidnapped in 24 hours, so chop chop, here try these zip ties on for size…
lol j/k
They are so serious and formal; thought they needed some more dry humor.
nice beginning :)

in case you missed it, I sequeled. :)