I can’t help but read into the story between this and your ficly author note… but maybe there’s no correlation.

Twyst are you really that miserable or do you have turretts?

… no, I’m generally a very happy person, tic free (and it’s tourette).

She has the comment she’s in love with the best guy in the world, the poem makes the note that she’s (speculating it’s not just fiction) with another guy and hating every minute of it – I find that fascinating and real.

i am in love with the best guy in the world but before him i ended up giving my virginity to this looser jerk and i regret it every time my bf kisses me because i wish it was him that i waited for

so, you jumped in too early, and regret every kiss and touch, and you haven’t dumped him!!? Life lesson learned. This is a heartbreaking poem, one that pains me to think of those stuck in a relationship where they hate to kiss or touch and feel too bad for the other person to leave. masochistic.

ah now i see your comment
it makes more sense now. :)
i think you need to forgive yourself of the past mistakes, and love your current bf.

i do love my current boyfriend with all my heart some times i just wish i could have given him everything is all

very deep…. but, imo, i think the “bang this stupid jerk” sorta throughs the whole poem… because its like… a different level of formality/informatliy. but maybe it’s just me. Otherwise, nicely written! =D