A long fingernail attached to a slender finger made its way down the spine of a truly magnificent game case.

“So, Arkham, what do you feel like doing today?” the girl asked, continuing her ministrations seemingly unaware of the game’s resistance. “Because I was thinking I would get some combat challenge medals before finishing your story. On hard.”

The case finally shook itself free of the fangirl’s iron-like grasp, “Yeeeah, about that… I think we need some time apart.”

“What? Why?!” she exclaimed, devastated.

“It’s not you, it’s me,” Batman: Arkham Asylum said. “I just need to broaden my horizons. Play with some more gamers, install game data on other hard drives. You understand?”

“B-but I pre-ordered you and everything!”

“… I would like for you to trade me in at GameStop now,” the best reviewed superhero game of all time said quietly.

The words “trade me in” echoed painfully in the deranged girl’s mind as she lost the battle to hold back her tears, and crumpled to the floor.