Although the story was well thought out and grammatically correct, this wasn’t my cup of tea. No, I don’t think it was lewd or obsene, just very plain and written in a style that is better suited for Penthouse. It had very little plot or character motivation.
I’ve found Steve Almond’s artical “How to write a sex scene” interesting.

http://www.utne.com/2005-03-01/HowtoWriteaSexScene.aspx

It was written a little plain, but I still liked it.
Also, I know a Lilly lol

I appreciate the feedback. I’ve been writing seriously since I was 12 and I have been real hesitant to put on some real true to the heart stuff on here since Im new to the site but this, however, was my first venture into anything “mature.” I liked writing it and there will be more, some subtle, some very much not!

And thanks for the link Krulltar.