That’s pretty powerful

It is. The repetitions make it more so. It sounds like a song. I would love to hear it.

Beauty raises a good point – this reads like a song, or at least a beat poem. I’d like to hear it sung (by someone who can sing… otherwise I’d just take care of it myself).

This was good! I agree with everyone here, it would make a great song. It’s the milestone that got me though. Should he support the birth of his baby or not? Should be base it on his father’s experience? Good job!

Thanks all. It was originally a song that I wrote for my father but never gave to him (he hated that I was a musician). The original is long lost but I felt compelled to post what I could remember because my daughter’s birthday is coming up and every year around this time I think of the six word conversation I had with my dad that prompted this song. I explain it more in the sequel I wrote.

Brutal, and I love the degree of realization contained in the chorus, that his expectations were both unrealistic and more to do with his own shortcomings than your own.
And in case anyone is wondering, the repetition here is a wonderful example of both the literary technique anaphora and its effectiveness.