Reminds me of the Telltale Heart. Gruesome but effective that way.

woah. that was awesome.

gruesome, indeed.
the last lines of the first two stanzas are lost on me..
The action however is not. That’s what’s important I guess. Though if my English teacher asked me to analyze all parts of this, I’d be stumped.

Wow. A bit gruesome, but yes the language works very well.

yeah, I got lost after the end of the first paragraph.

Dude, let me just say your buddy icon is unsettling. Like looking into the eyes of a clown. man I get goosebumps thinking about that.

anywho, this is amazingly dark poem, even if the stanzas don’t fall into any familiar type of verse.

this poem is stellar it really is awesome i love it. welcome to ficly

Hey thanks for all your positive feedback.

Just a few notes: I purposely made a few the stanzas irregular to change the pace. I’ll let you work out why that was.

“A crime so weak her chest case shuts,” refers to something she did which she cannot discuss. She thought it was more significant than I did.

“When this city honoured alarm clock signs,” refers to a time she remembers when we all used to get up in the morning and go somewhere (honour our alarm clocks) together.