Prince was crushed after Bill Ray Cyrus rejected his romantic advances. In response to this bereavement, Prince went to court and changed his legal name to Lettuce (as mentioned earlier), which the court appreciated after having the ASCII approximation of “O(+>” as his legal name for so many years. So it was then Lettuce had a turn for the darkness…

He sat down one day and wrote an album he called “The Funk Bible.” Its cover art was an oily canvas of nothingness: black. Black as the night sky. Black as…Batman.

“You know? This album isn’t half bad Prince. I mean, I would have put a little more slap in the bass part for ‘Superfunkycalifragisexy,’ but beyond that I like it,” said Batman whilst eating a ham sandwich Alfred had made him seconds before.

“Oh, thank you Batman. I hoped you would like it,” Lettuce relied.

“Yeah, no prob, no prob. But, you know, I have to tell you: that Garfunkel fellow? Wow, now there is a songwriter! Maybe someday you’ll be as good as him!”

Lettuce’s eyes went dark…