An Animal's Fear
You say you’re not scared, but the very fact that you exist contradicts that. You’re so scared that you’re afraid that even admitting that will somehow endanger you. So scared that you lock up those who are not. Afraid you might not be afraid enough if you’re around them a lot.
That’s perfectly fine. I’m scared too. But come on. What does a kid do when monsters lurk in the dark? Cowers under the bed and calls out to mommy. And an adult? Xe knows the monsters aren’t real, and deals with them in any way that works. Nightlights, prayers, tranquilizers, or a good ol’ shot of whiskey, or simply willpower will get xyr thru the night.
I’m not asking you to do it right now. Not even in a week. But just think about it. Don’t pretend you’ve got endless time at your disposal. Don’t act like your life was a pretense, a rehearsal, a demo version. Don’t treat others like crap because they are dealing with it while you’re not willing to.
You shy away from blood and animals and heights. But they won’t go away. It won’t.