Never Trust a Car Who Says He Loves You

He said he loved me. He said he would always protect me. He would take good care of me.

I’m not sure why I believed him. I mean, it’s seriously weird when your car starts talking to you.

But he wasn’t really my car. He was a robot. He’d had my car stolen for a couple of days so he could have it turned into his new body. He said I was an enemy target and he was assigned to protect me. But in light of what happened, I think he just had a crush on me.

I finally got fed up with it. He was really starting to creep me out, and I told him so. Guess I should have waited ‘til I was out of the car. As I started to get out, the driver’s seat turned all…gooey, and oozed over me to cover my whole body. Everything went dark.

When I woke up, I was his gun. No, really. My body was all rigid, I could only look straight ahead, and I saw crosshairs over everything. He was sad I wanted to break it off, but he needed a new smart targeting system for his rifle anyway.

And don’t ask me what happened when he pulled the trigger.

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