“They came at night, destroyed our crops, killed our women and children yet we have done nothing about it! These beasts have made the ground within our parks tremble for decades, but we have just stood by and watched. There was no way to see it coming of course; a few deaths here and there, but we let it slip by. They seemed innocent, even cute in a twisted way, so we let our guard down. They infiltrated every aspect of our society and then, in one fell sweep, destroyed everything!

“That is why I’ve called you all here to listen. It’s time to fight back. The kingdom of man has hidden from their foul gaze for too long. It’s time for the world to be ours again!”

A cheer rang out from the crowd with the exception of one voice that yelled out, “But sir, how do we kill these beasts?”

“Well my boy,” said the man standing on top of the flimsy, wooden stage, “to kill the squirrels, first we’ll need squirrel guns.”