Very sad subject matter. Thanks for sharing.

Overall, I like the poem. It’s got some deep, mature emotion in there, and a few spots even hit a nice, metered rhythm.

However, it is littered with spelling and grammar mistakes. You start off on a bad note with your title, which should be “Losing You,” as “loosing” is not a word.

In line 9 you use “your” when it should be “you’re,” as in “you are.” Then on line 11 you should use “your,” and yet, use “you” instead.

And the final two lines should read:
and onto our unborn baby
that will never see her daddy’s face

It’s hard for me to take the writing seriously when simple mistakes are left in like this that lead me to believe you have not taken it seriously yourself. You do your poem a disservice by not properly editing it, as even with it’s mature emotion, it comes off as childish when such simple errors go unedited.

I hope that my criticism does not come off too harshly, as my intent is to help push you into becoming a better writer, not to demean you.

JP thanx for pointing that out i do take my work seriously i just have a hard time with grammar and spelling thank you

I can see that you take your writing seriously, as there is a lot of potential here. And I can understand the occasional misstep; very few of us are good self editors after all (I do not include myself in that group).

If you speak with any professional writer, they’ll tell you that editing is a huge part of successful writing. It may not be the most fun thing to do, but I guarantee you’ll be a much better writer for it.

And thank you for taking my criticism in stride. I know that many people are afraid to offer real, constructive, thoughtful criticism for fear of it being taken the wrong way. Your humble, mature reception to my critique enforces my belief that people are at least as interested in becoming better writers as they are banal platitudes.

this is good. i like the emotion and meaning behind it =)