Where to even begin…

Jody’s friend doesn’t seem too confident about being able to use a gun. I would have hoped that he could have found someone that wouldn’t fumble with or drop the gun.

Regarding the first paragraph, the use of round in describing the amount of money makes for a difficult sentence. you might want to try variations such as “a round”, “about” or even pin it down to “a thousand dollars”. I think this would make the sentence flow better and would also give you the benefit of having a couple of extra characters to play with if you wanted them elsewhere.

Also, if the price for the shooting has changed, how does the shooter expect to collect the additional money? No arrangements have been made.

Are you planning to sequal this?

Thanks guys! Hey try to think outside the box though. I try and write open ended ficly’s that can be taken in any direction.

Did he die? Didn’t he die? Why does he get all this good luck? Is someone or something protecting him.?

And no Radical, I don’t sequel my own ficly’s. I only come here to play and sequeling my own stuff really isn’t fun especially since I kinda do that for a living.

Thanks for the comments, hope you enjoy my next one more, but hey either way it was fun to write.

S.J.

Horribly, and darkly comic. A fine testament to the human capacity to find something to be depressed or worried about.

Though personally, I would have shot him in the leg. Then voila, he’s not dead, AND his perfect life has now been tarnished by a significant injury, medical bills, time missed from work, and possibly even a limp…if he’s lucky.

I was leaning more to the shooter picking up the gun, dropping it again and accidently shooting himself…

:)

S.J.

The interesting thing about this to me is the non-specific way in which it ends. That “boom” could be just about anything from the gun going off to a supersonic fighter jet streaking by overhead. Lots of possibilities open for sequels there.

I so bad wanted to like this story, but the first time I read it I couldn’t put my finger on what about the story I didn’t like. It is well written. It took me reading this story and sleeping on it before I realized what the story’s short comings were:
It’s a joke disgused as a story. Everything leads up the “do it for 20k” punchline. And that’s why it’s more of a joke than a humourous story, because it has a punchline. I have to vote with my muses on this one.

waiting for it all to blow up in his face.. but i bet it’s that same preparedness that gt him safely there in the first place.. so if that is the case, then, yes indeed, he’d have to invoke the blowing up part.

I’m with Krultar on this one
it’s all hilarious until
“Oh! Right! I see. Make it twenty thousand?”
chang that so it doesnt seem so jokey and you’re golden.

yeah i would have shot him too but got the money first.

congrats on the feature

Thanks Mighty Joe.

S.J.

i know what this is like. I used to feel like this.
but now everything sucks! it’s oh so wonderful.
congrats on feature.

what selfish people! i guess this wasn’t meant to be totally serious, it’s more of an ironic black comedy. i have had dreams like this. congrats on being featured!