Hope it works. Never written something so suddenly, and short like it in my whole life.

i like this story you did a good job

Definitely gets a feel and a mood across, so it worked in that sense. A lot of the sentence structure and word choice type stuff felt clunky or just hard to follow at times. I think it was just too many fragments, though I know that was done stylistically.

Yeah, sometimes a little clunky, but I think you pick up skills like word choice and sentence structure as you write more on ficly… Welcome to the site, you’ve made a great start, very enjoyable, and would quite like to see it go somewhere…? MH

Oh wow, people read that fast. Funny some noticed a slight chunk problem. Yeah well, unfortunately I wrote it at one in the morning or so, and noticed the odd structure right after posting. Oh well. That’s also why I joined!

Can’t really add an additional comments since the previous 3 comments say it all.

By the way, Welcome to Ficly. Hope to see more from you.