tragic end! kind of creepy that we are reading the words of the deceased too. I like how you wrote it, in her words, a vernacular i’m sure is how you think. :)

Very nice story, runs really smoothly for the first part. You might want to put quotes around “Varnished cedar” though just to emphasize it was something her father would have said. Ending was catchy, and eerie, though just a little abrupt. Felt to me like you ran out of characters and couldn’t slide into the end in the same style you’ve slidden into the rest of the story. Perhaps you could have taken little bits out of the first part to fix that. Otherwise, pretty cool.

S.J.

I also found the ending a bit quick, and not entirely clear. Did she kill herself? Was she murdered? I assume the dream was not actually a dream, but why would the baby’s father kill her anyway if she was leaving him alone? I know it’s hard to do a lot with so few characters. Could also use a proofing pass to fix some errors.

Ahaa wait for the sequel.

That was brutal. Felt a bit odd somehow, maybe the pacing or just that it has a sort of matter-of-fact feel to it. Quite the scenario you’ve come up with though, really old-school tragedy.

Wow. That’s really tragic. (As it should be for a tragedy.) That was very depressing, like extremely depressing. I like it though. Haha. :)