nice story of unrequited love, A couple of the sentences need a bit more work. Last para “of” my story.The message comes thru very strong and I suppose this is the convincing string to tie it together

I think this might be more interesting if there was some detail about who the characters are and what the circumstances are. This is the kind of thing that, in a longer story, would probably end up getting cut in order to get to the real action, you know?

i think this works well as a story starter.