Wow! I love this one too! I agree with what your saying, I think of things like that too and you’ve executed your thoughts perfectly! Five pencils!

Thankyou! :) i just sat down, and it came to me, so i wrote it in like 10 minutes, im never one for plans! lool :D

Very nice! I definitely agree with what you are saying in this.

Just a quick grammar suggestion: with things are plural, such as “fathers” “suits”, etc. they don’t need apostrophes. That’s only if they’re possive.

Otherwise, it’s flawless! Very good! 5/5

The “Mothers, fathers, teenagers” sentence is a run on and should have semicolons instead of commas between the independent clauses. In fact, it the whole thing could use more semicolons in place of the commas, but since it is written as a stream of consciousness, it isn’t glaringly obvious.

The story has a nice overall flow, and has some great insight.

This is really, really nice, welcome to ficly :)

Just one suggestion – if you have characters left, try and break it up a bit, paragraphs can help the reader.

So with regards to content, very impressive, structure could be slightly improved, and that’s always something to bear in mind… Keep writing!

wow, thankyou guys :) i agree with all your comments, and thanks for the welcome :D and Paige Leigh, thanks for pointing that out i’ll try change it now :)

Iv’e tried to improve it with your suggestions, so thanks guys :D :)

I really enjoyed reading this story. I think that you have a real flare for writing and look forward to reading your other work. Well done, keep up the good work!

aww these comments are warm. :) Sometimes we just write anything just to write and practice the art. I feel like you are stretching your wings here, and I want to encourage you to keep doing it. Ficly is a great place to practice.
This piece makes the reader think about those mundane things, those stories of others. are they really routine people, or do they let down their hair when no one is looking?

wow, that’s like how I think about people lol. I took a picture of this businessman on his cell phone in the city and started to wonder about his life. It’s really amazing.

I’m glad you understand where im coming from :) and your totally right ‘raegan dauterive’ :)

http://xkcd.com/610/

Whats that link?

Well written. We all have a touch of voyeurism in us. I love people watching.

thanks :)