I couldn’t fit the story all in, as i had exceeded the amout of characters, to part two is on this link http://ficly.com/stories/9380
thanks :)

This is a really good start to the story. Im thoroughly excited to read the next part!

Love the beginning of this. The details given are amazing, and the last line definatly made this story.
But snstead of leaving a link to the second half of the story you should have done a sequel to it. <3

Thankyou PorcelainDollFace :) i thought about that, but then i thought its not exactly left on a cliffhanger, so people might not want to read on :) but i understand where your coming from :D

there is a little bit too much telling and not showing, you could usu dialogue between her and the people of her entourage to convey the emotions as well as some action, or even setting.
Still we get to know your character right away, and her dilemma. Well, part of it, I’m sure there’s more, right?
oh and use the sequel link at the bottom right of your story to tie entries together. :)

Good story beginning, and mostly agree with Elsha’s comment. Also, the sentence " She had decided." is cut short. Not sure what she decided.

okay thanks :) + i didn’t know whether to do part 2 as a sequel as i felt this wasnt much of a prequel :)