Pretty piece!
The first sentence though, should be broken into parts to make it easier to understand. Maybe make it:
Sitting on my second-hand spring bed, which used to belong to my step-sister, I stared at the white paint chippings on my blood red wall and the black hair-dye marks tattooed on the used-to-be golden coloured carpet. I am perched thinking about what to write here on ficly.

Its to many descriptives to push all into once sentence. I did enjoy this piece though :) Amazing job!

thanks for the feedback! i have changed some of it thank you! :)

Good descriptions and imagery. Just another minor edit…first sentence…get rid of the word “whom”.

Also, the first sentence talks about your step-sister, but left me wonder why you “guess” you could call her that. It piqued my interest but didn’t deliver.

Thanks, I shall remove it. And I put ‘(guess you could call)’ as she isn’t actually my step-sister. She is my father’s partner’s daughter, which in theory is like a step-sister. Do you think I could make this more obvious? I was however very restricted on characters. I originally went over and had to remove a lot of the text, therefore making it difficult for me to thoroughly explain how we were related. When publishing this story, I had used all the possible characters to the nought.

It just feels a bit… Much. Like you’ve thought about it too much, tried to make it sound clever and it emerges quite emotionless. Yes, yes, the descriptions were nice, but there were far too many of them.

For example – ’I’m thinking of changing my top attire into something thinner’… Really? As this is a story about you, think what you would really say, and write that – I might be misjudging you, but it feels quite contrived… You don’t need big, flowery words to convey plot or emotion – and the actual premise of the fic was quite good! I liked how you referenced the actual website, I laughed at your rather flamboyant ‘adieu’ – there were moments of flair, it’s just about striking the balance :)

Thanks for your comment. I guess I’m quite a descriptive person as in everything I write is always really descriptive and some people can see this as over-descriptive but thats just the way I write. This wasn’t really planned, I ws just writing as the moment passed. And yes, I thought the ficly reference was quite good haha, I thought you readers would like it :) and thank you, yes, I know there needs to be some kind of balance but this is just what comes out when i write :)