The goal of your ficlet would be stronger if you took the time to go back over what you wrote and checked for some of the things I pointed out in the prequel. It’s all well and good to write the first thing that comes to mind, but correct use of capitalization and punctuation will only help your piece.

aw thats really good! really descriptive and touching story. well done!

Yea i agree, it’s because i was using note as my friends word doesnt work, so i havent got the spell check to rely on.

Well, it’s not just spell check, it’s sentence structure too. If you’re using the ficlet just to dash ideas out, that’s fine — as someone else commented on one of your other ficlets, there’s nothing wrong with editing post-publication.

I’ve only been using ficly for about a month(?) now, and I’m still getting comfortable with the character constraint, the giving and receiving of comments, and the collaborative element as well (though you haven’t had anyone write sequels or prequels to your stories yet). Feel free to come over to my page and read some of the things I’ve written.

Also, just as it was recommended that you choose a user pic, coming up with a “handle” would also be cool too.

What do you mean by handle?

Yes, this is a moving tale; I pray this tragedy isn’t based on some true story in your life. Your plot/story/tale is spot on, but grammer is the only thing holding this back.

FYI, there is a free online spell checker @ http://www.spellchecker.net/spellcheck/

what tezrak meant by handle was your username (anonymous writer) … I guess it’s a bit generic, but as long as your the only one on the site with that username, I don’t see it being much of a problem.

Something I hope I never have to do. Something I hope my kids will never have to do.

You have captured the emotions well. It’s a dark piece, screaming from the depths of sorrow. Nicely written.

I have to agree with Tezrak, though. Always capitalise “I”. “Best friend” is two words.

Keep writing.