Not sure how well this one worked out. Hard time coming up with a secret and for the first time I felt constrained by 1024
(not 100% sure about the secret either$

Interesting, interesting. Nicole sounds differently than I imagined her. I like the secret but I wonder if there are too many details. I love the way the monologue opens, though… with the “lame, I know” section — that was awesome. I also like the way that she describes the counselor’s passing out (the weird eyes, the smile, the giggle). I never turn down the phrase, “Fucked up” as I use it so much myself :) I wonder if the end is a little rushed… like really final.

Okay, same rule as earlier: kick me if I’m being too critical.

Props on the secret… I think this is something lots of teens do that people haven’t paid enough attention to!

you are basically saying everything I didn’t like about the piece either. Really, the problem was that I wasn’t satisfied/happy with the ‘secret’ itself. Thats the seed for the whole thing, and when that doesn’t work for me, everything else comes out stilted.
blech on this one.

I don’t know about “blech”… think about anticipation… I totally botched it but used your feedback and came up with something pretty good after that… do I smell a rewrite??

You do.
I don’t know if I’ll keep any of it. I need to get moreinto Nicole’s head and think about what kind of secrets she might have.
I may keep the choking thing, but I dunno.
When I have it right, it’ll just work

:)

amen to that.

this is so much fun… we are so doing another at some point.

Count on that, girlie!
Oh, yeah, you should know that I can be pretty hard to get rid of

Why would I ever want to get rid of you? Hey, I have an idea for a challenge… do you think it’s cool to do a multi-entry challenge? Or is that unfair?

I’m not sure what you mean, ‘multi-entry’?

Like you’ve have to start with one and then there would be sequels required as part of the challenge. But I’m not sure if that breaks some sort of norm here.

I think the norm here is still being created

That was sort of what I was going for with the secret. It had to be intimate and powerful, but not too much in any direction.
Anyhow, I’ve been killer busy and will get to this soon, I hope

Ok, rewrite is up! I think it went better, certainly gave Nicole a different side

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Rock on!

:)!!!!

Beautiful series with a suspenseful “ending” and a lovely amount of sensuality woven into it.

incredibly edgy and almost risque. You don’t see too much of that on ficly. I like it quite a bit :)

Thanks for reading nd commenting on these, Elice!

Thank you for the comments! When a certain someone has time, maybe we’ll learn this isn’t the end ;)

I know, you totally need to get that through your head! :o)

Yeah, but its fun poking at you ;)

I know. Poking back. I think both of us are stuck not knowing quite where to go with this… and the beginning probably doesn’t need another prequel. Grrrrrr. I have been thinking about it tons today.