Courtroom drama

Clerk: All rise, the honourable Judge Eli Titmouse presiding.
Judge enters, robes swirling and wig slightly askew. Straightens wig and sits down.
Clerk: Be seated. The court calls Aster Hicks to the bench.
Clerk: Are you Aster Hicks?
Aster Hicks: does a miserable Asterix impersonation I amn’t.
Clerk: Are you or are you not Aster Hicks?
AH: in the same voice Allow myself to introduce me: I am Asterix of the Gauls.
Clerk: exasperated Nevermind. Do swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth upon all that you hold holy.
AH: I swear upon the mighty Bacteria.
Clerk: forgetting all protocol She’s all yours, judge.
ET: Aster Hicks, you are charged that on the 30th of April 2007 you wilfully, deliberately and with malice aforethought, in a state of semi-undress cavorted with a sexually aroused man, painted as a cow. And so doing disturbed the peace. How do you plead?
AH: I plead a fifth.
Clerk: interrupts This is a British court.
AH: I meant, I was drunk you silly.
ET: bangs gavel Order in court!

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