Story is very weak. To create a style, to become a decent writer, you must do many things. I can tell you of a few to help you edit this.
1) Show, don’t tell.
2) Read others work that might help you come up with a solid plot that relates to what you’re writing about,
and 3) Use a thesuarus.

Thanks For The Advice! I will use your advice the next time I write a story. Thank You!