Mmm.

Just to note, in the previous entry she said it was an accident…he distracted her with the kiss and it just sort of happened.

shrugs the realization of the change in his reality starting to sink in? I don’t know. If you think I need to adjust it, by all means let me know.

Also, you kind of switched from first to third person. :)

Oh yeah. D’oh. That much I can fix.

There ya go.

There’s still an “unable to look him”. And some of the prose seems a little unnatural transcribed to the first person—people don’t usually talk about their own expression like that. But it will do. Sequel up. :)

Well, suffice it to say I wrote it quickly, and emotionally. I fixed the him, going to read sequel.